Jokes
Make You Laugh
Thanksgiving
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.
Pa Won't Like it
A farm boy accidentally overturned a wagonload of corn on the road.
A farmer who lived nearby went over to have a look and found the boy trying to right the tipped wagon.
“Hey, Willie,” the farmer said, “forget your troubles for a spell and come have dinner with us. I’ll help you with that wagon after we eat.”
“That’s mighty nice of you, but Pa won’t like that,” Willie replied.
“Aw, come on, son. Take a break,” the farmer insisted.
“Well, O.K.,” the boy finally agreed, “but Pa won’t like it.”
After a hearty meal, Willie thanked the farmer. “I feel a lot better now, but I know that Pa will be upset.”
“Nonsense,” the farmer said. “Where is your pa anyway?”
“Under the wagon.”
Heptuplets
Four men are in the hospital waiting room because their wives are having babies. A nurse goes up to the first guy and says, “Congratulations! You’re the father of twins.”
“That’s odd,” answers the man. “I work for the Minnesota Twins!”
A nurse says to the second guy, “Congratulations! You’re the father of triplets!”
“That’s weird,” answers the second man. “I work for the 3M company!”
A nurse tells the third man, “Congratulations! You’re the father of quadruplets!”
“That’s strange,” he answers. “I work for the Four Seasons hotel!”
The last man is groaning and banging his head against the wall. “What’s wrong?” the others ask.
“I work for 7 Up!”
Nerd Power
I am not just a nerd. I am also a geek.
D&D
I was a super nerd when I was a kid. I liked video games, I liked comic books, I was the youngest mage in the D&D campaign I was part of with 30-year-olds at the Yardbirds in Centralia, Washington.
IKEA
IKEA is being accused of evading over $1 billion in taxes. Prosecutors have actually been after IKEA for years. They’ve just been having a hard time putting their case together.
A Couple of Problems
I invited my boyfriend to go to the gym with me, but he stood me up. I guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
Poor Marc
When the coffee shop clerk asked for his name, my brother-in-law answered, ‘Marc, with a C.’ Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Music
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar. I replied, "Is that a fret?"